slow_city

THE WORLD IS A BOOK, AND THOSE WHO DO NOT TRAVEL READ ONLY A PAGE...

Whilst traveling home from the lovely Writtle Village, I was in one of those -
‘Leave me to eat my croissant and listen to Kate Nash’ moods at the same time as staring out the window of the number 305 National Express coach. However, being the polite English lady that I am, I reassured the 60 year old Chinese man (sitting opposite me) that we were in fact not in Birmingham but in the bike riding city of Cambridge. Of course it’s only courteous to inform a fellow explorer where we are when he asks ‘WE IN BUURMMINGHAM, YES?’ but after the sixth time, it begins to feel like I’m starring in my very own ground hog day.

I dislike the feeling of leaving a place/person behind who will be missed.
I do believe it gives me a chance to appreciate them whilst they’re not around but time can be precious and as a sentimental person I do like to embrace it.
At the moment in my life I do feel slightly stuck, glued to boredom, taped to despondency and incapable of peeling off the sticky chewing gum squashed on the bottom of my shoe. I do know all this will change as soon as my life becomes ‘hectic’ once more and I have the power to unpeel, but for now I shall tap my fingers in time with the music and depend on the Prozac.

I came home last night, tipsy(ish) after Chris’s 21st birthday celebration. I only had two large glasses of wine but continued to bombard Mathew Rose with questions regarding ‘The Male mind’. After a deep discussion, a horrifying case of heart burn and a dramatic collapse I came to the conclusion that men are simple and women over-think themselves into insanity. I’ve now realised I need to re-think the way I think because if I think the way I think then my thinking will lead to... more thinking?

We stepped back in time to the 1930s recently as Laura and I decided to explore ‘The black country museum’. Of course we couldn’t depart without Winniefred (our 4’9 cheese sandwich making Grandmother) therefore she tagged along with her pocket full of mints and enthusiasm. I hadn’t visited in years so it was lovely to experience what life would have been like without Facebook, Starbucks or even an indoor toilet.
I remember being a little girl pretending to live in the village whilst sucking on my humbugs (some things never change) but of course on this occasion I couldn’t run around under the influence (of sugar) because I felt like a giant compared to the tiny children skipping along, holding onto their cakes from the bakery.

I’m restless but have so much to write down and put across but the words aren’t coming out and piecing together...
I wish I could pick the letters from my mind and make a collage. Perhaps cough up my poetry so that the text spreads around like a virus?
However, I've learnt to appreciate my health and to also realise that we are all equally insecure. We point, prod and pick on ourselves when really we should be thanking our faces for expressing our emotions, thanking our feet for helping us walk to our destinations, thanking our hands for being able to feel, stimulate and capture the world. And last but not least thanking our eyes for allowing us to see the ones we love, the beauty of the world and a window for our souls..

Imagine if the entire world was actually 'peaceful'. No wars, No poverty, No murders, No rape, No self-destruction, No need to hate...
The vision I see when I close my eyes and picture life as 'harmony' is just like the scene from The Secret Garden. Clear blue sky's, nature at its prettiest, smiling people holding hands and an atmosphere filled with happiness and laughter.
Sometimes I do wish a world like that existed but I suppose in life we have to experience the bad in order to really appreciate the good.

I like to surround myself with people. I put it down to my childhood as I was never left on my own and always had somebody there. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate those moments I spend alone just simply being but any longer than an hour and I then start to walk around.. Seeking some sort of attention from another. A fear of mine is actually living alone. My great Nan did this for many many years before she passed away in February 1999. I used to visit her at least once a week and she would be sat there in her chair, Tommy and Mini the two cats sitting close by and the house would always feel lifeless and cold. I always felt on edge when I was there, I couldn't relax because the house felt empty and I suppose as a six year old girl it petrified me because I always thought this is what happens when we grow old. We grow lonely...

I like to make people feel positive and happy. Maybe I have seen self-destruction happen and I now make sure I go in the complete opposite direction and stand myself around the confident, out-going and content people. I know what it's like to feel like a total failure in life, I know what it's like to see a total failure in life disappear but with my 'Peace on earth' speech...I wish we could all be those strong minded individuals who pick ourselves and each other up when all things come crashing down. However, maybe sometimes we just have to find our own way but it's great to know that there is that support around us when all we simply need is a shoulder to cry on.

I think I need a green tea..

The End