Silence fills the room...
Positivity and noise have been my 'heart break' medicine for the past few days, but instead of a spoonful of music and repeating the words 'Time is a healer', I'm feeling in a calm and therapeutic mood so have opted to sit here and listen to the sound of the keys tapping in rhythm with my thoughts.
I left the library yesterday, armed with books on 'how to write for a magazine', ' writing for journalists' 'getting your work published' etc...
Eventually, I want to move to London to study creative writing/journalism, so with the free time I have at the moment, I thought it would be a good idea to gain new skills and also distract my mind from thinking about 'rocker guy'. With my new borrowed books, the 100mph wind blew me into the direction of Starbucks (quite literally) a caffeine fix is just what I needed, so with time to spare and new skills to learn, I escaped from the world.
Keeping to my 'focus on yourself' rule, I have decided to continue with Ballet once again (Billy Elliot, here I come) It's such a passion of mine and I haven't done a class in well...it must be about a year now! So, as I write this blog entry I am also currently searching for my ballet shoes, that will more than likely turn up under my bed, covered in dust!
In December 2007, I went to watch The Nut Cracker at the theatre. I was completely hypnotized by their movement and it made me crave the adrenaline I once felt.
With Easter around the corner, I'm looking forward to spending time with my family. Easter Sunday shall consist of Thorntons chocolate for breakfast, the usual lunch at Winniefred's house (yes, my 4'9 Grandmother) an afternoon film (it's always Harry Potter) and then us women worrying about the 10,000,000 calories we have consumed in the space of 24 hours.
I remember celebrating Easter at school. Everybody would make a hat using straw, crayons, toy chicks, PVA glue, glitter and all the usual crafts you would find in a classroom. I always wanted mine to resemble something really cool from Art Attack but in reality, mine just looked like a mass of unwanted pubic hair. Shockingly, I came 3rd and won a Cadbury's crème egg.
'Rocker guy' text me whilst I was browsing Kate Moss clothes in Topshop. He informed me that he had passed all of his modules and wanted to see how I was. I replied (of course) and told him I was fine. I kept it short and simple. I have completely ignored him over this past week, but he seems to be the one trying to contact me (guilt?) A few days passed by and my sister told me that he 'misses' me and wanted her to pass on a message. Several minutes later, I received a text message from him, asking how I was (the usual) and if I'm still going to his Mum's party on the weekend? (I didn't reply) Of course he feels terrible for ending things and me being the 'mature' one has reassured him that I'm coping fine. However, after being told that he misses me, has left me to over-think myself into insanity. Why would he say that? To show he still cares? Is he regretting ending things? Don't worry, I won't continue on with unanswered questions. I'm just frustrated as I was dealing with everything by ignoring him and trying to remove him from my life (after he pushed me out of his)
Finally, he appeared online yesterday evening. He started the conversation with a 'hey, how are you?' I wanted to sign out of MSN and forget he ever asked me but as I advised I didn't 'hate him', I suppose I wanted to show that I don't run away from situations that may be awkward. We began talking as normal (about being tired and drinking tea) but a few minutes later I received another text message...
'Sorry you. My PC crashed, hope to talk to you later xx' (his computer seriously is about to die)
I didn't reply or even log on later.
He returns home on the 18th. It's going to be strange waking up at 7am, knowing that he's literally 5 minutes away. I won't think about it too much though, if he wants to talk about our 'break up' face to face then he knows where I am. Let him do the chasing, apologising and making up.
I'm not building my hopes up, I have it glued to my mind that he doesn't want to be with me and I'll happily get on with my own life, move on and even buy the the T-shirt. If he has realised what a complete idiot he has been and wants to work it out, then I'll have to have a think about it. Everybody deserves a seconds chance but my own feelings are the most important.
.... I think my ballet shoes are playing hide and seek with me.
You are a stunning person.