Over the past couple of days, I cannot stop thinking about my life and how different everything feels. Rewind two years ago. I was 18, naive, lost, confused and unable to construct a plan. Fast forward two years. I'm 20, wiser, found, more aware and have the ability to put my plans into action. I feel like a completely different person. I know I have only recently waved good-bye to my teenage years, but I suppose over the past 18 months, I've really grown as a person and have learnt more about the world, myself and also gained more confidence to 'do' rather than just to say I will. Along with my little thoughts about the world. I feel a lot more, hmm what's the word? Secure? Yes. I'm feeling a lot more secure with myself and the things that are happening around me. I do like to surround myself with people who are strong minded and focused. It makes me feel quite safe and it influences me to really take control of my own life and to work hard for the things I want. This may sound slightly harsh, but I'm kind of relieved that my dad passed away. Of course, he was my dad and I loved him, but imagine how much his addiction would have affected my life growing up? I probably would have been a completely different person to what I am now. His ways would have influenced me. Childhood makes you who you are to a certain extent. I certainly know I wouldn't have appreciated life as much as I do now and I could have even taken the same root as him with his drinking habits. I believe that things happen for a reason in life, but I'm just glad that my complicated puzzle of a life is finally piecing itself together...
Keeping on the subject of piecing things together...
I write this whilst sat in my bedroom, surrounded by empty boxes and a 'VFIT mini stepper assembly & user manual guide'. You see, I decided to do a bit of online shopping and this morning my parcels arrived (I say whilst trying to understand what a 'STEP ARM LINK CABLE is and how to attach it to a M4 + 25mm SELF TAPPING SCREW) I ordered some exercise equipment and I'm spending my Wednesday afternoon trying to assemble it all together (this is why we actually need men in our lives) I am quite capable of doing it myself, but something that should only take 20 minutes has actually taken me two hours. OK, the M8 NYLON LOCKNUT is in position (this is me talking out loud) and I have pretty much figured out how to attach the STEP ARM ADJUSTMENT KNOB (this all sounds rather sexual) Anyway, apart from my little home gym I also ordered some MAC make-up (which came neatly gift wrapped in a black posh box) St Tropez tan (because I fancied looking Brazilian this summer haha) and a few things from The Body Shop (the reason being, because when I'm in the shop, the sales assistants force me into spending atleast £25 more than I had planned) So, hopefully I'll have my gym ready for a good work-out later this evening whilst burning calories to Def Lepard on my Ipod, sweating off my MAC make-up and smelling of sweat and the body shop coconut butter. Erm, Lovely...
In all honesty, I do get quite a few compliments. Like yesterday a but driver said I had lovely eyes and a 40 year old man said I was beautiful and had 'killer legs' (infront of 20 people standing at a bus-stop) Of course it's flattering and it makes me smile, but it's annoying because I'm seriously not an arrogant person. Everybody gets judged, no matter who we are and what we look like. But the thing is, I'm just confident and friendly and if someone wants to say something positive. I automatically thank them. The thing is, if you ignore them you'll look like a moody, self-centered bitch but if you say thank you, your audience will think you're a stuck up, self centered, arrogant bitch. Either way, you cannot win. In this world. If you're pretty, you're classed as either 1) dumb (because people do not believe a person can have both intelligence and beauty) 2) a bitch (because people with good genes are ignorant people?) or 3) a whore (because pretty people can get anyone they want, therefore will sleep with your boyfriend) I'm happy with the way I look and I know I'm a genuine person. I've never cheated, bullied anyone and I'm most certainly not dumb. The thing that annoys me, is these people that label us as 'bitches' are in fact the ones that are 'the bitches'. I could never intentionally be horrible to somebody, just because they wore nice clothes and were good looking. Maybe it's because I'm comfortable with myself as a person, therefore aren't insecure and don't feel threatened or feel the need to pick on someone to make myself feel better. Funny how a fat person can pick on a someone for being skinny, but if it's the other way around it's classed as bullying? Or even a black person that is racist towards a white person, but if it's the other way round, it's just not accepted? I remember being at college and a black guy I was on a course with didn't want his 20p change in a corner shop. I asked him why? And he replied 'because, I don't accept anything off white hands'. But, if that was the other way round, then I'm sure there would have been a lot more commotion.
I like to live a peaceful life. Simple and stress free. But of course, the world is not always like this. If I think about racism, poverty, bullying and all the wrong in the world then my mind will be intoxicated with negativity. It's good to be aware, and address the problems that are going on in the world (I would even love to do an Angelina and help those poor children) Some countries haven't even got fresh water and live each day to just simply survive, we should have a little think about this when we're at home by the fire and appreciate what we have. We moan for stupid reasons. We moan when it rains, we moan when it's too hot, we moan because we have no tea-bags left. But instead of moaning, we should be appreciating the things we have. Because it's a lot more than some people...
Oh life.
Why can't the world just be a happy place? Where's Alanis Morrissete with that peace sign...
So, with my bedroom covered in boxes, paper, that stuff you pop (which sounds amazing) and that horrible foam stuff that covers the floor and remains there for months (even after a good old vacuum) I have decided to spend the next couple of hours locked away with tea, toast and chick flicks. I haven't watched Bridget Jones in a while and of course, I like (says in posh voice) tall, dark and handsome Mr Darcy! So I'll have a rummage through my DVD collection and get out my pyjamas and hairbrush
(oh the fun of being a girl at times)
Until Next Time.
