The life of a herbal tea drinking daydreamer...

I smell like coffee body butter. Fuck, I want to eat myself...

I just don't know what to do with myself today. I woke up feeling slightly annoyed, so maybe shooting myself would be the best option? Ever wake up and just think 'My life is actually shit?'. Thankfully the sunshine is trying to intoxicate me with optimism, because without that ray of hope I think I would be dead (I say dramatically) Everything just feels like Deja Vu. I'm sitting here, writing another blog, Starbucks cup to my left, a chewed pen to my right, a shelf full of books infront of me and a peach & ginger incense stick burning behind me...

I was going to stroll into the city, but I think I'll save myself for tomorrow morning. Saturday in the city is much more entertaining, the smell of hotdogs, the sound of saxophones and the hundreds of people walking, skipping and running to their destinations. All I need is the sunshine, my heels and £3 for a latte, to make me smile...

What happened to my positive state of mind? I suppose I'll get those days where negativity seems to strangle me around the neck, but I much prefer the throttle of optimism...

On days like this, I just want to escape to the countryside and inhale the smell of horse shit. Hmmm maybe I was a farmer in a past life? Even as a little girl I would quite happily live in my denim dungarees, run around and get muddy knees. I miss being little. My life was straight forward, now it just feels all over the place...

As much as I'm looking forward to University, I'm also quite nervous. Being 21 when I finally attend doesn't feel like an issue to me anymore, as it's quite normal to be a mature student. Being away from home is something that makes me panic slightly. As much as I want and need my own space, I'm really close to my family and see them most of the time. I know it's a great opportunity to be able to move away, but I know there are people I will miss dearly. I'll only be an hour away if I decide to move away to Derby, which is only a short train ride. Distance has always been hard for me. Having two relationships in the past that have ended because of this, leaves me feeling worried. I know that it won't affect my relationship this time around because this one is different. Maybe because the months are passing quickly, reality is finally sinking in. I'm a daydreamer most of the time, but in 7 months time, I won't live here anymore and my thoughts will actually be real life. I am extremely excited, because I know I'll really enjoy myself but it's a big step for me to pack my things and wave goodbye...

I have a few things to look forward to in the next couple of months. Starting with next Tuesday, as I'm going to my first football match. Arsenal V West Brom. I'm not a football girl at all. I haven't a clue what 'off-side' means and men shouting with beer is actually quite scary (and slightly a turn on) However, as the boyfriend is a HUGE fan, I have sat through quite a few matches on TV and I do find myself actually getting into it. He really wanted me to go along with him to a game. A part of me feels a bit awkward to be honest. I'll never become a HUGE fan, because football just isn't 'me' at all. I haven't got the love for it. But that won't stop me from enjoying myself and making the effort. I'm looking forward to the experience of course. In a couple of weeks, we're going on another road trip, this time it might possibly be Cambridge for the weekend. I might speak really posh, ride a bicycle and pretend I'm a really intelligent student! *sighs* Also, I'm seeing James Morrison and Jason Mraz in concert! Hmmmm, I love their music and both are equally as talented! I always fall into a different world when I'm at a concert, I love the atmosphere and seem to drift away with the melody...

I always need something to look forward to, whether it being a weekend in another city or even the day my favourite fashion magazine comes out. I like to wake up, counting down the days for something, feeling excited inside. I get extremely bored easily. Being a Gemini doesn't help, as we are constantly searching for something to occupy our minds. Maybe that is why being a journalist would be great for me, as there is always something new to do and write about...

I have an extremely high sex drive. Maybe it's a good thing, as it shows I'm healthy and interested in the erm... natural things in life? I'm writing about sex, because I need something to entertain my mind. Something to think about, instead of worrying about my life and the parts that I simply cannot control. The thing that annoys me, is how women are labeled as whores, the ones who sleep with a few guys when they're single. Yet, men seem to get a tap on the back when they openly admit that they have slept with more than 20. It's something I'll never quite understand...

Cup of coffee and an afternoon film?

Indeed.

'Time is the most undefinable yet paradoxical of things; the past is gone, the future is not come, and the present becomes the past even while we attempt to define it, and, like the flash of lightning, at once exists and expires'

Charles Caleb Colton

It's 10am and I'm sitting in the lounge. Apart from my thoughts, the only other sound I can hear is the clock ticking. The clock we have had for many many years. Whenever I hear a clock ticking, it makes me think about life, and of course time. Imagine a world without time? Not knowing what day, month or even year it was. I think people would end up getting things done, alot quicker, rather than saying 'Oh, maybe tomorrow?'

Keeping on the subject of time, it seems to have passed extremely quickly this year, as it's almost the end of February. The great thing is, with every passing minute spring gets closer. I love spring time. The sunshine greets me in the morning, along with the gentle wind, the world shows off its natural beauty and I always feel alot happier. I always wonder if my past tears were simply caused by SAD (seasonal affective disorder) I've just been reading about it on good old Wikipedia. I know that losing my job did play a major part in my moments of utter sadness, but I remember waking up on a sunlit morning, and it was as if the rays shined away my depression...

The boyfriend stayed over at mine on Sunday, as we planned to wake up early and go on another road trip. Thankfully when we drove back to mine on Sunday evening, everything felt alot calmer (rather than the chaotic student house, it seems to have formed into) after spending the day at his, watching James Bond and enjoying his mum's delicious homemade carrot cake *sighs*. So on Monday morning, armed with a lunchbox of food and several fashion magazines we headed off to Sheffield. Whilst we were walking down a road full of restaurants, cafes and boutique shops, he informed me that an ex girlfriend of his was right in front of us, just about to walk past (sound of horror) things between them didn't end too well, as he wasn't that 'into her', but she became a little too obsessed. I believe my boyfriend should have been alot more open with her about how he felt, rather than letting this girl basically fall in love with him. I'm not taking any sides of course, as we all make mistakes and have a past. It's nothing to do with me; this was all before I walked into his life. I think she recognized him, as all of a sudden as she was getting closer and closer, she began nervously looking in her bag. I felt awful. Imagine seeing the boy you fell in love with, hand in hand with another girl, in the city that you live in. After she walked past, I looked back and just felt terrible. I know it's been a year since they were dating one another, but I know that would have felt like a kick in the stomach. Hmmm, funny how we were in the same place at the same time...

After she had disappeared into the distance, we walked into Starbucks for a coffee. I thought about her for a little while after, wondering if she saw us and hoping that she didn't. The chai latte was really hot, so I waited for it to cool down. Matt and I ended up having a chat, mainly about ex's. I think the problem with us is the fact that we have both been hurt in the past, we've lost trust in people and have ended up with our hearts broken. Sometimes I think this stops us from really letting go and embracing one another. There are always questions, or those thoughts at the back of our minds. We really need to relax a bit more, because without broken hearts and a tearful relationship past, we wouldn't really appreciate one another as much, as this time we are so happy...

Whilst driving back home, I couldn't help but daydream out of the window, just watching life and time passing me by. My mind is like a camera, as I'm forever taking mental pictures, and browsing through an album of memories that make me smile. I always seem to rewind time and pause it on a moment that I like to remember...

Right, back to searching for jobs and intoxicating my body with caffeine?

YES.

I had such a lovely afternoon in the city. Thankfully the sun was shining as I needed the vitamin D, after spending weeks hibernating indoors with the central heating on full! With Snow Patrol playing on my IPOD, I browsed Topshop for the first time in months. I remember a time I used to spend hundreds in there, I was obsessed with the Kate Moss and Boutique collection (I have a few black dresses buried in my wardrobe somewhere, with the tags still on!) I think the clothes are beautiful. They have great slouchy bags, pretty dresses and cool vintage boots! I can spend hours in there, lost in 'fashion heaven'. Shockingly, I didn't purchase anything, even though I did fall in love with a red checked shirt dress! Hmmm but I have a wardrobe full of clothes that look exactly the same as the one's modeled in the window. I'm easily influenced (I blame Glamour magazine) but this time I followed my head instead of my heart...

As usual, I made my way to Starbucks for a Chai latte. I was in a walking mood (and a money saving one) so instead of paying more to sit inside, I skipped back out into the sunshine. I do have quite an obsession for MAC make-up, so with caffeine, I made my way to selfridges to stare at all of the pretty pink blushers. Hmmm, I must admit I gave into temptation and purchased a bottle of 'studio sculpt' foundation (Glamour informed me that all of the stunning models were wearing it for the Stella McCartney fashion show) It's natural, fresh, creamy and is the 'secret' to gleaming skin. This time I seemed to follow my heart instead of my head...

I was back home for 3pm, armed with a bag full of goodies (James Brown shampoo & conditioner, Botanics cleanser & moisturiser, a pretty purple top, MAC foundation and a bottle of St Tropez tan) I'm proud of myself for not coming home with alot more, but I needed to budget, however what I have is enough to make me smile. I suppose now my evening shall consist of a romantic movie, followed by a pampering session in the bath...*sighs*

I've been sleeping alot earlier lately. For months I couldn't sleep before 4am. In all honesty, I was scared of the silence, as my thoughts were so much louder. I hated laying there awake, worrying about my life and feeling like a total fuck-up. Everything seems to be slowly falling into place, therefore I feel more relaxed and can finally close my eyes in a silent room and fall asleep. 'Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but gets you nowhere'...

I've just seen the picture of Rihanna covered in bruises. It's utterly devastating. I read that Chris Brown was a controlling boyfriend, therefore his manipulating ways led him to being physical. It could simply be rumours, but all I can say is that I believe abuse is so wrong. How can anybody possible hurt the one's they apparently 'love?'. It angers me so much. People who are domestically violent are weak, insecure and make me feel extremely sick...

Hmmm, coffee? Yes please.

I sit astride life like a bad rider on a horse. I only owe it to the horse's good nature that I am not thrown off at this very moment - Ludwig Wittgenstein

It's 9am, I'm shockingly awake (even before my body has been intoxicated with caffeine) and feeling in a rather productive mood. I haven't made any plans today, but instead of wasting precious hours browsing vogue.com, I'm going to 'try' and spend them wisely, by being organised (a challenge for a scatterbrain of course) maybe write a positive life list, apply for atleast 10 jobs and start making plans for the next road trip...

I got home just before midnight. I couldn't seem to rest and found myself floating around, trying to occupy my mind. The house was oddly quiet, usually when I walk through the door, I am greeted by noise but as most people were in bed, I was left with only the silence. My house is quite small, too small infact as everyone seems to have outgrown it. We moved here in November 1997, I was 9 years old at the time and was so devastated for having to move away from the place I grew up. My dad was in hospital with Tuberculosis in 1996, therefore when he arrived home, the whole house bought back bad memories of him being really ill. I remember when he was in hospital, he looked so thin and pale and before we entered the room, we had to cover ourselves with plastic aprons and face masks, just incase we caught it. He had tubes and wires coming out of his skin and couldn't even speak for weeks. When he got a little bit stronger, I would sit on the bed and have a conversation with him on a piece of paper. 'Be good for mum' he would always repeat. The album music box by Mariah Carey reminds me of that time, as he used to always play that tape as he lay there in the bed. When he finally got better and was allowed back home, I noticed how much he used to panic. Of course the drink problem didn't help with his nerves, but I think my parents decided to move, to try and make a fresh start. Funny how life is so unpredictable, in their minds they were planning the future and my mum even told me that there were talks of having another baby (thank god that didn't happen!) as a year later, he was gone....

Before I went to sleep, I decided to relax in a bath full of lavender & tea tree oil, with a couple of candles flickering in the background. As I lay in the bath, it's as if all of my worry and stress floated away. It's a place where I can be alone, close my eyes and fall into a place of pure tranquility. I hate arguments. Matt and I had one a couple of days ago, which left me feeling a bit negative. It was mainly to do with him not staying over at mine anymore. I over-reacted because I know I will miss having him here to wake up next to, which we have been doing for the past few months. However, he's not 100% comfortable at my place. Some personalities clash here and of course I live in a doll's house. My family do honestly like him, think he's great in fact but I will not force him to do something he's unsure with. At some point all couples will disagree, but I suppose I'm a hippie at heart. I love 'peace on earth' whilst singing 'Kumbaya' around a huge campfire *sighs*...

I met him at work yesterday morning. I couldn't wait to clear the air and greet him with a kiss. As I FINALLY have some money (I say with the biggest smile) I treated us to a Starbucks. Lack of money has put alot of stress on me as I do love to feel independent, also on my relationship as we haven't been able to explore the world, as we usually do on a weekend (picture us driving away into the distance, armed with a cup of coffee and a bag of sweets) He has been paying for everything over the past couple of months, which I have appreciated so much, but I believe everything should be equal. Now that I have a bit of money, I think things will be alot easier for us. We've been spending quite a lot of time indoors, so on the afternoon we drove to Southport, played crazy golf and abused the 2p machines. I really enjoyed myself, it was great to do something different and glad that the air had finally been cleared...

Love is a beautiful feeling. It's intoxicated my mind, body and soul and I'm embracing it. People spend far too much time worrying, asking questions, having trust issues. We're only human and will analyze, but maybe instead of wondering 'what if', we should just learn to let our feelings free, live in the moment and walk with a smile. If you love somebody, it's so important to tell them. Mind games are a waste of time, so instead of taking part in that, we should simply be honest, open and as an alternative play the game of love...

Hmmm time for a cup of coffee...

P.S- Derby University seem to be interested, as I have been invited to attend an interview!

In my dream last night, I lived away at university, but with all of the people from my past. I sat in my creative writing classes with school friends and shared halls with a few ex boyfriends. It's as if the stages of my life were all mixed together. I always think that dreams have hidden meanings, but I can't quite decode this one...

I shockingly fell asleep at 1:00am last night, for the first time in months. I blame the chamomile tea, as I must have drank atleast 8 cups throughout the evening. I lay there awake for a little while, just having a think about life in general. Everything has changed so much in the past year. It's changed for the better of course. I then had visions of it all being different and not having Matt in my life anymore. It even hurt to think about it. I just cannot picture my world without him being around. I've never let anybody inside before, I spent so many years blocking out my feelings and then he came along and I finally learnt what it feels like to be in love...

I'm listening to Alter Bridge, it's taking me back to Summer 2008. I remember it being boiling hot, wearing a denim skirt and my Kate Moss boots, walking around Nottingham, hand in hand with Matt. We would spend the day exploring, driving to new places, drinking coffee before finally going back to his flat, armed with bags of shopping from Sainsburys and spending the evening in bed, watching movies.
It makes me smile to think about it...

I'm in a quiet mood today. I want to be a loner, sitting in the corner with a notebook and pen. I like having these days, I always seem to reflect and then end up organising important things. Last night I was sat there in a pub with the boyfriend and a few of his friends. The great thing is, they are really down to earth people, however I always find myself being a little too quiet, as they all attended the same school/college/university, so most of the conversation consists of stories from the past (hmmm maybe this influenced my dream?) I didn't keep in contact with my school friends (most of them were bullies anyway) and as for my college friends, there are only a handful of us that are still close. I suppose along the way, we have just sadly grown apart. I'm looking forward to University, because not only do I want to prove to myself that I can dedicate myself to a course that I love, I also want to meet a variety of new people. Friendships are so important in life, you need those special people to support you and to know that they will always be there. I'm just thankful that I have a few that will always be there, however glad that I have the opportunity to build new friendships...

I haven't done anything productive today, apart from make myself two pieces of toast, a cup of tea and write this. I usually hate not doing anything, but today I'm just going to embrace my laziness, whilst tapping my feet in time with Lenny Kravitz on my Ipod.

P.S- Thank you for such a beautiful valentines day (I say whilst eating a marshmallow)

I want to be somebody else today. I’m torn between the 5’10 blonde runway model (without the severe eating disorder) who lives in New York, smokes 15 cigarettes a day and skips around the city wearing her vintage cowboy boots. Or the 5'2 brunette forensic detective, who lives in Belfast, is married to an undertaker and never washes her hair...

Hmmm, maybe I should continue with my drama classes?

I shockingly woke at 1:30pm this afternoon. The boyfriend had his arm tightly wrapped around my waist, my legs were wrapped around his, and my head resting on his hairy chest. I didn't want to move. I was far too comfortable. Annoyingly he had work at the school, so after I made us a cup of coffee and a hot bowl of porridge, I kissed him goodbye. I spent the next hour or so applying for jobs, watching fashion shows on www.nymag.com and hoping that 2009 will be a good year for me. I know that with a positive mind and the confidence to go for my dreams, it will be. I should simply stop over-analysing my life and start living in the moment, rather than the past or the future.

I should be getting some money in the next week, but instead of writing my Spring/Summer 09 fashion must have list, I'll be sensibly paying off my debts. I had to seek some form of 'financial help'. I miss earning £1250 per month, but the reality is I don't anymore, so shouldn't even think about it, because it makes me feel extremely depressed. I wonder what I should do with the pennies that I have left? maybe continue writing my book, sit in Starbucks for hours, surrounded by empty cups of coffee OR I should give it to the man without any shoes, who plays a flute by the Town Hall...

Apart from being poor, I am incredibly happy. When life fucks me off, I simply run away to Paris (in my head of course) The mind is an amazing thing, you can be anyone and anywhere without a care in the world...

'Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can'

It's been 3 days since my last blog confession, so I'll stain this blank white screen with my perplexing poppycock, whilst sipping my milky cup of kenco coffee...

I had a call from that horrible lady 'Miss Bains' on Friday morning. Even though I need a job, I didn't want this one, so only worried if she called to break the good news. She was as unenthusiastic on the phone, as she was face to face (however, this time I didn't have to stare at her vulgar baggy grey suit) I answered, nervously chewing the side of my mouth. 'Hello, it's Miss Bains' she went onto say (probably staring at the clock at the same time) 'I'm sorry to tell you, but you weren't successful. The position has now been filled'. I immediately stopped chewing and felt slightly relieved. After my experience with an awful boss, I didn't want to put myself through that once again. Before I had the chance to speak, she interrupted with a 'Take care now. Bye'. I should have replied with 'Well, to be perfectly honest I'm glad you didn't give me your crap job, you fat cunt'...

The weekend was spent with the handsome boyfriend. He arrived on Saturday evening, armed with delicious chamomile & honey tea-bags. We ended up playing an old dusty scrabble board game, which I found underneath a pile of 1980's health books (mullet hair, slim fast and Lizzie in pink Lycra shorts) Hmmm.. He won for the 100th time, with his intelligent 50 point words! grrr. I guarantee I would win cluedo though, I'm much better at being a detective! (ooooh Professor Plum, with the candlestick in the dining room) We woke up early on Sunday morning and headed to Australian Bar to watch the Arsenal V Tottenham match. I know I'm not a HUGE football fan, but I do enjoy watching matches (especially Arsenal as it's the boyfriend's 'team') I love how much he get's into it! Hmmm there is something about his aggression, the way he shouts at the screen... I find it extremely attractive *sighs*...

25 THINGS ABOUT ME (as I've just posted this on facebook)

1) I was once in a BUSTED video aged 14 (my left hand is famous)

2) Before I throw away a fashion magazine, I cut out the pretty pictures and make a collage in my diary.

3) I want to open up my own little coffee shop (happy faces, coffee beans, foreign waiters, fudge brownies, cool jazz music, students with laptops, OAP's with scones) *sighs*

4) My favourite song is 'Kiss from a rose' by Seal. It gives me butterflies inside...

5) I drink 10 cups of green tea everyday (and then use the tea leaves to exfoliate my face!) I'm obsessed with anything 'herbal' and am a strong believer in being as healthy as possible.

6) I have a crush on Angelina Jolie. I think she is the most beautiful woman alive.

7) I'm a sentimental person and have a memory box underneath my bed full of old letters, photographs and little things that mean alot to me. I have to keep hold of those memories, as I'm petrified of forgetting those moments in my life that have made me smile...

8) I want to and will be a writer. It's such a passion of mine and one day I want to work for a fashion magazine and write a book ( preferably living in London, Paris or New York)

9) I'm obsessed with UFO's! (I blame watching ET as a child) I remember a time when I used to sit in my garden, stare up at the sky and WISH that something would fly past! Hmmm, but most of the time I would be deeply disappointed as the moving thing above would only be an aeroplane...

10) I love the smell of paint, petrol and nail varnish (I inhale the fuuuummmeeessss)

11) I would be lost without a notebook and pen...

12) One word. Cheeeeeeeeesecake!!!!!!!!

13) The best years of my life were spent studying performing arts (Jazz hands, ballet shoes and amazingly toned thighs!)

14) I never leave the house without my IPOD. I believe music is so powerful. It brings back memories and can either make me laugh or cry. I can't go a day without listening to songs...

15) My dad passed away 10 years ago. Losing somebody so close to me has made me a stronger person. I've realised how precious life is, so I try and appreciate every little thing...

16) I love to explore the world (I'm a gypsy at heart!) Usually on a weekend, me and the handsome boyfriend drive to a new city and walk around hand in hand, take pictures of the beautiful old buildings and then he pinches my cheeks whilst sitting in Starbucks sharing a chai tea latte.

17) I have a fetish for vampires (I blame Twilight) so now, when I walk through a creepy looking forest I PRAY that Edward jumps out and......erm bites me?

18) I'm so unpredictable. I can wake up one morning feeling like Jim Carey ( shaaaaaakaka) whilst jumping around and pulling strange faces! The next hour, I can be incredibly quiet, lost in my own little world, unable to communicate with the world...

19) 'You live, you learn'- Alanis Morissette. After a couple of years of getting my heart broken, making mistakes, regretting, wishing I could turn back time and waving goodbye to people. I realised that in life we simply have to go through the bad times to really appreciate the good times. We grow wiser as time passes by, so instead of holding grudges and regretting the things we once did in life. We should all simply learn from them, move on and try not to make the same mistakes again...

20) I want to spend Christmas 2009 in New York with Matt. Hmmm for some reason I keep thinking about the film 'Home Alone!' I want to visit one of those cool toy stores, eat loads of cake and run away from the 'sticky bandits!!'...

21) I miss my Kate Moss boots. I lived in them for over a year, but as I broke the heel, they now have a lovely little place in my memory box...

22) My nickname is 'Orville' thanks to the Trickett family (pouty duck lips and chubby cheeks!!)

23) I'm prone to over-analysing my life. Maybe it's being a woman? but at times I can sit there for hours worrying and wondering why. It's something that I hope to change for 2009, because I've realised that it's a complete waste of time to think about those things that I simply cannot control...

24) I always follow my happiness, wherever it may take me....

25) ...and finally in summer 2008, I fell in love with the most amazing person to ever walk into my life (I say with the biggest smile on my face!) He's inspired me to achieve, makes me feel so deeply happy and I'd be so lost without him....

I'm listening to 'Kiss from a rose' by Seal. Daydreaming about sitting on a gondola in Venice, drifting off into the moonlight. Glass of wine in one hand, the other one playfully teasing the water as I admire the beautiful world slowly passing me by.

Oh the mind of a dreamer...

On Tuesday afternoon I attended an interview. Dressed to impress, I arrived 10 minutes early, so was made to sit in the reception area. I didn't feel too nervous, so I went over a few prepared questions in my head, sipped water to clear my throat and wondered how I had managed to get there wearing high heels, without even slipping over on the ice! (magic shoes?) Miss Bains greeted me a few moments later. She was in her 30s, about 5'2, quite stern looking and wore a baggy grey trouser suit. She approached me, unenthusiastically shook my hand and then followed with a 'Nice to meet you, follow me through here please' (It felt as if I were a naughty pupil at school, following the headmistress to the office) Once inside the small interview room (full of boxes and a broken computer) I instantly felt uncomfortable! 'So then' she said in a rather high pitched voice 'tell me a little bit about yourself?. 'Well, Miss Bains I'm 20 years old and desperately need a job, before I finally go to University to make something of myself. Therefore I don't have to attend crappy interviews like this, to work for minimum wage, 35 hours a week, only to then go home at night and ask God why my life is so shit? hehe (I thought of course) Anyway, she asked me a couple more questions, the usual 'what can you bring to this job'?' etc... I noticed whilst I was answering, how uninterested she seemed. She was sat with her legs crossed, biting her pen lid and periodically stared at the clock above my head. She never smiled at me once. Maybe she could read my thoughts? (hopefully not) She stopped me half way through a sentence with a 'just a moment' and then began reading a message on her mobile phone. To inform me she had finished, she nodded her head and continued to chew her pen lid. She gulped her coffee, as I began finishing off the sentence she rudely interrupted me with. When the interview came to an end, she stood up and didn't even offer to shake my hand. Once again she stared at the clock, seemed to rush me out of the door, followed with a 'Thank you, I'll call you at the end of the week to let you know' I felt extremely annoyed. I made the effort to attend, dress and act professionally, all for what? A lady in a vulgar baggy grey suit with an attitude problem...

On Wednesday afternoon I met the boyfriend from work. He was greeted with a chai tea latte from Starbucks and a kiss. We have been together for just over 7 months now. I still get so excited when I'm standing there waiting for him. I love that feeling, especially when I see him walking towards me, my whole body just instantly feels warm and I can't help but smile to myself. After an hour or so, we eventually drove back to his, put on a film and ended up falling asleep for 3 hours...

On Thursday morning, I was greeted by a handsome man, the snow and a hyperactive dog. Why can't all mornings be like that? *sighs*. Anyway, after taking the chubby dog for a walk (and having another snow ball fight) we drove into the city for a hot drink and a cheesecake (I've noticed how every blog of mine includes cake) As I was sat in Cafe Nero, I had a vision that I owned my very own coffee shop (happy faces, coffee beans, foreign waiters, fudge brownies, cool jazz music, students with laptops, OAP's with scones...) The idea is now glued to my mind, so I'm now sitting here reading this http://www.talkaboutcoffee.com/running_your_own_coffee_shop.html Hmmm I wonder what I would call it? I was contemplating 'Buy one get two free' (obesity is rising and employment is declining, so I know I would get great custom!)

...Indeed it is

...walking in a winter wonderland

The snow flakes seemed to dance in time with the wind, as I plodded along in the thick, cold and slippery snow this afternoon. The world looked beautiful, like a 'winter wonderland'. Even though it was the perfect weather to stay at home, curled up by the fire with a hot chocolate. I found myself slipping along at 5:30pm, on my way to meet the handsome boyfriend in the city. Note to self- ALWAYS WEAR SHOES WITH GOOD GRIP! As it felt as though I were 'dancing on ice' all the way there. I also found Matt sliding his way towards me! (thankfully if I did fall, I would have somebody to offer me a helping hand!) Hmmm we did have a 'small' snowball fight. I pathetically threw mine like a girl (missed by miles of course) yet he managed to successfully splatter my face! (twice)
We eventually ice skated our way to 'wagamama' for a (healthy) evening meal. I had the Cha han, miso soup and erm... I gave into temptation and shared a chocolate fudge cake for desert *sighs*. I've only ever been to wagamama twice, but I think the food is beautiful and I always leave smiling, feeling satisfied (and with soup stains all over my top!)

It's 3:10am and I can't seem to sleep. I'm sipping chamomile tea from my HUGE Starbucks mug (shockingly not stolen from the cafe itself) desperately trying to make myself feel tired. I get those days where my life feels a little all over the place. I seem to float around, wondering when my feet will finally touch the ground...

I read this and it made me realise that life is there to live, to skip around and embrace the world with a smile...

Tips for Better Life

1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Sleep for 7 hours.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Play more games.
6. Read more books than you did the previous year.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
18. Smile and laugh more.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Forgive everyone for everything.
26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
27. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
28. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
29. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
30. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
31. The best is yet to come.
32. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
33. Do the right thing!
34. Call your family often.
35. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.
36. Each day give something good to others.
37. Don't over do. Keep your limits.