Why does a milky cup of tea in my venti Starbucks mug make everything feel better? Maybe it's the warmth of it? Or the fact that it's stolen and I saved myself 7 pounds? (terrible of me? I know!) I wouldn't say I was miserable today, I'm just feeling a little sensitive, perhaps a tad 'melo dramatic' It's only because I wish I could spend a little more time with my boyfriend (a long story that I shall not go into, because I've solved it in my mind and haven't the time to get all 'deep') and the fact that it's 10:55pm and he's out with his friends, probably getting a bit drunk and I'm sat in my kitchen (that looks like a library, with the amount of literature books I have on the table) listening to the fireworks and periodically stalking people on facebook.
I'm in the middle of writing a plot for my short story for Creative Writing class. It's basically about a girl (I've named her Ellen) who doesn't believe in fate, is extremely routined and doesn't really have a life. But one rainy afternoon, her predictable routine doesn't go according to plan and a few things happen to her along the way, she eventually ends up missing her train. This particular train crashes. So it's all about self discovery, realising that there is more meaning to life and things happen for a reason. It probably sounds like a pile of shit, but I'm sticking with it, as I've changed it 3 times now and I only have a few days to hand it into my American Lecturer, who reminds me of Alanis Morissette (without the guitar and hippy clothes)
I'll always be an over-thinker. I say to myself that I'll stop, but somehow the thoughts will continue to play on my mind. The fireworks sound like bombs falling from the sky.... and my mug is now empty. Maybe I should make myself a coffee instead? I do plan to stay awake till around 3ish. I need the caffeine to stimulate my mind. I want to get this story done. I know I'm not the only who worries. I'm only human after all. We all get insecure moments. Maybe being a stereotypical Gemini doesn't help either. Natural born worriers we are! But do I even believe in all of that shit??
I'm boiling the kettle now...
Hmm, hot water & lemon. I changed my mind you see. Need to keep the complexion glowing, after all! I have noticed the change in my state of mind. I remember a few months ago, everything angered me. It's as if anything put me in a grumpy mood and at one point I seriously wanted to kill myself. It's been almost 2 weeks since the last time I took a pill (contraception, not an E!) I'm finally feeling the difference. It's as if I have control of myself again, mentally. I've haven't felt this sane in months! I could run up a mountain like Maria in Sound Of Music, arms spread out wide, singing and feeling FREE.
Rocker boy text me yesterday (remember Pete Doherty lookalike?) He does from time to time, always asks if everything is ok. I do reply, I'm not sure whether it's because I secretly enjoy the fact that my life is great and I like to rub it in? There will always be that one person who screwed you over. I hope he see's me as 'The one that got away' Who wants to be a groupie anyway who gets ignored, whilst he plays his guitar for 7 hours.
What is with ex boyfriends today? I have one talking to me on facebook about him breaking up with his girlfriend. This was another guy that broke my heart (you understand why I have my insecure moments?) He's the one from London who only wanted to fuck me on weekends, but being young and naive, I thought we would fall in love. I laugh about it all now. You do when you grow older and wiser and ask yourself why you put up with pathetic things. It's all a part of growing up of course.
You live, you learn.
